- Larratt's First Law, or Larratt's Corollary to
Finagle's
Law, states that:
- Given only one option in a given situation, people tend to do
the correct thing about 40% of the time.
- Larratt's Second Law, or Larratt's Addendum to
Hanlon's
Razor, states that:
- Hanlon's Razor is irrelevant to culpability.
This Law can also be stated:
- Whether you meant it or you blew it, it's still your fault.
- Larratt's Third Law, or Larratt's Restriction on
Godwin's
Law, states that:
- Godwin's Law does not apply to Web-based fora ("slashdots"),
since such phenomena don't really constitute discussions.
Under Godwin's Law, "the discussion is over" applies when Godwin's Law is
nondeliberately invoked; on slashdots, "the discussion is over" is a
tautology from the beginning. This Law can also be stated:
- Slashdots aren't discussions so much as collected orthogonal
rants.
- Larratt's Fourth Law, or Larratt's Corollary to
Godwin's
Law, states that:
- As an online discussion of any nature grows longer, the probability
of a gustatory poultry comparison approaches one.
This Law can also be stated:
- Everything tastes like chicken to someone (even chicken).
- Larratt's Fifth Law, or Larratt's Corollary to
Clarke's Third
Law, states that:
- Any sufficiently advanced technology inevitably becomes a
panacea to those who do not understand it.
- Larratt's Sixth Law,
or Larratt's Plaint on Cretinous Conversion,
states that:
- Verb not, lest would unclear.
"Verbing" is repugnant. "Architect" is a noun. "Design" is the correct verb. Finding other examples and
maligning the practitioners of same are left as an exercise for the reader.
"Verbing weirds language."
- Larratt's Seventh Law, or Larratt's Musing on Maslow's Hammer,
states that:
- If all you have is hammer, everything looks like a baby bird.
- Larratt's Eighth Law, or Larratt's Law of Inflated Description,
states that:
- Hyperbolic descriptive adjectives cannot be trusted.
This Law can also be stated:
- If the envelope or Subject: line claims "Important", "Critical", "Time sensitive", or any other inflated quality, the claim is false.
- Larratt's Ninth Law, or Larratt's Challenge of Zawinsky's Law, states:
- Reduce attempted functionality to increase actual reliability.
This Law can also be stated:
- Don't read your e-mail here!
- Larratt's Tenth Law, or Larratt's Continuation on behalf of Pudd'nhead Wilson, states:
- When angry, count four;
when very angry, swear;
when very angry and HR is nearby, swear in an obscure foreign language.
- Larratt's Eleventh Law, or Larratt's misquote on untruths, states that:
- There are four kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, "data-driven decisions", and "Install Time Remaining".
- Larratt's Twelth Law on Secure Coding, or Larratt's Homage to Jon Postel, states:
- Be liberal in what you accept, conservative in what you send, and thorough and careful in how you process.
- Larratt's Thirteenth Law, or The Christensen Application of Lubarsky's Law, allows that
- After the same user finds a bug in your code for a third or subsequent time, it is incumbent on you
to address and refer to him as "Lubarsky" ever after - or at least until you find an equivalent number of his
bugs.
- Larratt's Fourteenth Law, or Larratt's Rule of Three, states that
- A point that is not resolved after three text-based communications can only be resolved verbally -
and usually requires at least one "Shut up!" .
- Larratt's Fifteenth Law, or Larratt's Note on Reason, states that
- Man is not a rational animal. Man is a rationalizing animal.
- Larratt's Sixteenth Law, or Larratt's Rule of Vocal Classification, states that
- Tenor is less a voice type than an attitude problem.